The last entry was about my time.  This is about my body.  I think I've known for about 30 years that these were my two big unresolved issues.  The session today with my Alexander teacher was useful, as it usually is.  The note I took out of it:

     Radical sense:
     Space around me is MY SPACE.  Let it be mine. Experience a sense of grace as I move within it,

Later I wrote "I'm trying to occupy my space with gratitude and fullness -- it's MINE"
   
This may all sound like strange language, but it addresses aspects of my chronic discomfort, particularly in my upper spine/neck.  Isn't it funny how we have to work so hard to relax (release).  Kind of oxymoronic, as in "TRY HARDER TO STOP TRYING!"

But the fact is that when I take ownership of the space around me with gratitude and fullness, when I let it BELONG to me, I soften.  I think this applies to a lot of aspects of my life: the more I can feel that I own what I need, the more open and generous I can be. And I do want to be open and generous. Which perhaps is exactly why it's so important I experience a sense of being given (by "God"?) that which I need -- so I can afford to give it away.  I'm not by nature a laid back person, am sometimes concerned that being around me can be stressful for others, drain energy.  My goal is to emanate positive energy, so that being around me increases others' sense of peace.  That's a tall order, especially for someone like me, but maybe it's doable.  My mother was like that in her last years.